Hello. If you have a submission, please feel free to use the ask box.

“I missed my period, but it’s probably because I have a UTI.”

—   probably not…

“Holy fish sticks! That’s your penis?”

“How about we read fifty shades of you shut the hell up?”

“What the fuck did I just tell you? DON’T TOUCH MY FUCKING MANGOS!”

“He looks different; he’s not dressed like a taco!”

“I get dressed in front of an open window because I like to give back to my community.”

“If it wasn’t totally illegal, I would totally marry my dad.”

“What are you taking fish oil for? Do you want to grow, like, a tentacle or some shit?”

"I think that in line 30 there’s personification."

          “Yeah, cause there’s two W’s!”

“See Blondie up there? She’s a real thug. She grew up on the streets of Brooklyn and stabbed three people to get to school.”